i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
