my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
