I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
