Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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