That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
