Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
