i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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