Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
