Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize