She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize