if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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