Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
