i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This house was built for laser tag.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
