we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
