do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
