theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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