I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
