She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
