im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
