it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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