i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize