i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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