I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
