I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
