Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
