She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
