Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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