You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
