i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
