i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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