Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
