He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
