I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
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