I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
