Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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