so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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