TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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