ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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