I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I will be naked everywhere
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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