Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
