Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
