Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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