fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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