Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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