I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
