Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
