Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
