I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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