I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
