so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think I died a long time ago.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
