I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
