We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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