i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize