if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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