; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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