chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
