last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
