Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
