he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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