Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize