Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
