I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
