I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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