Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
