If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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