I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
