Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
