you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
